An apology from the heart
If there are 3 words that are difficult to express to others, it is “I AM SORRY”. But it is also important to speak to the other person from a place of sincere intention, not just quickly mumble the words and think that will do it. So often, the apology feels superficial while it could be straight from the heart.
I read somewhere that: A good apology has 3 parts:
- “I am sorry”
Saying those 3 words out loud is for many of us a challenge that we often turn our back on. Often we “reason” ourselves out of it because our ego has difficulty to be humble and take that first step.
The purpose of any relationship is to connect and communicate. When we are hurt, we often turn away and try to keep a distance, which makes us feel disconnected.
If you say “sorry” from a place of respect and humbleness, you are making the first step to connect again with that person. The purpose of those words is to open the door again to communicate and talk about what has happened.
- “It’s my fault”
Our upbringing and educational system tells us, from when we are small, that we are not good enough as we are and they show us what we do right or wrong. We are judged and punished for everything that we do “wrong” and equally judged and rewarded for everything we do “right.”
The fear of not being good enough and the fear of punishment are the basic source of our difficulty to admit that we made a mistake. We are afraid of what comes after that because we do not want to be judged or punished.
Making a mistake is ok and admitting you did this is a sign of strength and respect and no reason to be judged or punished by others. We all make mistakes, big and small and if you have not made a mistake today, you have not lived!
It is even smart to go and found out for yourself why you did this, because you have your own feelings and needs that you need to be aware of. And you probably did not consider what the feelings and needs of the other person were at that time.
Isn’t that what relationships are all about? Learning to know the feelings and needs of others AND yourself so that you can understand each other better.
- “What can I do to make it right?”
When you ask that question, you are connecting with the other person, asking him what he needs to feel better again. Even if you can do “nothing” because it often is up to the other person to mourn and get over the situation.
But the fact that you ask this question means that you are trying to understand that other person’s needs and that on its own is a big signal of connection and empathy which are both the cornerstones of healthy relationships. Every human being wants and needs connection and empathy!
Finally, I also want you to be aware that you can also say “I’m sorry” to yourself. In my practice I see that forgiving yourself and apologising to yourself is often harder than to anyone else. We can be so hard and harsh on ourselves.
Being mild and forgiving to yourself for your mistakes and hurts is a foundation for self-care and self-love, which are the cornerstones of a balanced and meaningful life. Conscious self-care is the base of your relationship with your outer world, never to be underestimated.
To discover more simple-but-powerful steps to activate conscious self-care and self-love and set healthy boundaries for yourself, go to www.daniellesax.com and download the Free e-Book and Checklist on “How To Say NO To Others And YES To Yourself”, it will help you in taking your next best step in love and loving relationships.
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