How to make saying YES to yourself easier
“We must say “no” to what, in our heart, we don’t want. We must say “no” to doing things out of obligation, thereby cheating those important to us of the purest expression of our love. Also, we must say “no” to treating ourselves, our health, our needs as not as important as someone else’s. We must say NO to others. Suzette Hinton
If there is one thing I have learned through the years of healing after my serious stress-related illness, it is the necessity of allowing myself to say NO.
Is it not true that most of us have the tendency of wanting to please others? Certainly, those of us who are sensitive or highly sensitive or working in the healthcare sector. We have learned that we need to put ourselves aside if we want to help others. It is the opposite. We need to take care of ourselves first before we can take care of others. No use in depleting ourselves in any way. We pay for that in the long run; it is unhealthy. I have seen it time and time again.
Say NO to others and YES to yourself.
Having difficulties saying “no” to others and “yes” to yourself? Here are a few strong practical tips to consider when somebody asks for your help and you really want to say “no” but you don’t know how without feeling guilty or bad about it.
- Take your responsibility.
The more responsibility you have for your own life and know exactly what you want for yourself, the easier it will be to say no. You need to make choices about your priorities, your values and your goals. This will make it easier and quicker to decide on what you can or cannot do for people around you. It is a fact that your environment will respect you even more for your honesty and clarity.
- Saying NO is enough.
The word “no” is enough as an answer; you do not need to defend your position. The more reasons you will give after you say no, the more munition you give the other person to try to convince you toward a yes. You simply have the “right” to say no whenever you feel like it. It is your birthright to take care of yourself and put yourself first.
- Ask for time to give an answer.
It might be a good exercise to start with gaining time before you really say the no-word. In my practice, I advise people who battle to set their boundaries to ask for some time to think it over. “I will check this in my agenda (or with my family) and get back to you on that.” By gaining some time, you can come back to them when you feel strong enough to be firm in your decision and choice.
- Help out in a different way.
If you feel you really would like to help that person and choose for yourself at the same time, it might help you to offer the other person to look out for someone else who can say “yes”. That way, you might feel you have helped in another way, without sacrificing yourself.
We all think that when we say “no”, it will cause a conflict or people will love us less. Some people might be quiet surprised the first time you say “no” to them, but most people can accept it and will respect you for setting your priorities.
When you practice conscious self-care as I teach it, saying “no” becomes a natural expression of living out of love. You will say “yes” to others when it is a “yes” to yourself as well. Honesty and authenticity are the best presents you can give to yourself, and to others.
If you want to learn more about these concepts of conscious self-care and growth, then please go and register for my free online training where I explain how to thrive without sacrificing yourself and your well-being.